Forgiveness, Why is it so Hard?

This thought came to me yesterday.: “Forgiveness has less to do with you and another person and more to do with you and God!
I lay awake this morning with the question: why is it so hard? Why can’t I go back to sleep without this question haunting me? Is it because I ate chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, and white chocolate chips with a few nuts and the bag called it Trail Mix? Or is it because my husband said you should write more? Just may be God has placed it on my heart?
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.” They didn’t know He was the Son of God. Maybe they should have and maybe some knew but drove it away from their thoughts and chose not to deal with it. When we hold unforgiveness toward others, we do know what we are doing, and we feel justified.
If we have wronged someone we need to go and ask their forgiveness, but this can be very difficult. I want them to know, “Ok I was wrong, but it really was your fault that I got so upset!” We can so easily justify our actions.
If I know without a doubt that the other person is to blame, I must forgive without their ever having to know. Going to someone and saying “I forgive you is just so wrong! So self-righteous! I tried that once when I was angry with someone. I don’t even remember now why I was angry, but at the time it seemed like “righteous anger.” I was noble. I didn’t even take communion that Sunday because I held something against my brother in Christ. It felt so good to be righteous! After church I went to him and told him I forgave him. Of course, I made sure to let him know what evil thing I thought he had done before I could let him know I forgave him. I also threw in the fact that I had denied myself communion with God that morning in church. WOW! God didn’t strike me down. More than that He loved me then and still does. It’s amazing. How did I feel after that experience? Worse than before I “forgave?” him.
The scripture says, “If you don’t’ forgive others God won’t forgive you.” What does that mean? I don’t fully know but I do know that I don’t want to be unforgiven by God.
Matthew 6:14-15: 14 If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
How do I feel when I finally let go and forgive? It’s a weight that if lifted from my heart. It’s freedom to be wrong and let others be wrong. I don’t have to fight for my right to be right and for everyone to know that I was right. All does not have to be fair when the dust settles. Can this even happen? YES, through Christ it is possible! Satan is always ready to remind us that we need to make sure that all know “YOU WERE RIGHT!”
That’s why we need to spend time in prayer to a Father who loves us right or wrong. We have to keep fighting our sinful nature, but God has won the victory for us.
Thank You God for Your amazing grace! Thank You that You never let go of us.
–Colleen Morrison